You Can Take It With You, But Here's Why You Shouldn't

Each moment is like a grain of sand. Broken glass and sea shells, coral and pieces of life lived. It sits

on the shore, just waiting to be touched, waiting for us to touch it.

Each moment of our lives is just a piece of sand, coming together to make up the shore of our whole existence. And if we let it, it can start to bury us, to consume us. It can make us rough, covered from the warmth of the sun, hidden under the mass amounts of experiences we have to live.

I'm working on letting go. I'm working on walking away from things that no longer serve me. I'm working on letting memories be memories, letting them be what they were, but leaving them in the past. Good memories and bad memories, and horrible ones, and wonderful ones, because if we carry all of them with us, if we try to hold on to each piece of sand, we won't have any room left for new ones.

If you allow each grain of sand to cling to you, eventually you'll become heavy, weighed down. because whether it was a beautiful or horrific grain of sand, it still weighs the same. The more you try to hold on to each grain of sand, the more you live in the past, unable to keep walking on your own personal beach, that was made just for you.

Eventually, your skin will become rough, like sand paper. You'll be grainy and course.

Eventually, your lungs will fill with sand, like an hourglass, and you'll find it hard to breath. You'll find it hard to take in new air and exhale the old, to move on.

Eventually, your legs will be weighted down, like sand bags. Each step forward will become more difficult, more tiring. 

When your stomach fills with sand, you won't be able to taste the new, rich flavors that are coming your way. You won't be able to savor each new moment that the universe is cooking up, just for you.

When you head fills with sand, you won't think clearly anymore. Everything will be beige, instead of brilliant and light and majestic and fantastic. 

Your eyes will fill with sand and you won't be able to see all the beach that is ahead of you. You won't be able to see the beauty that is unfolding in front of you, just for you.

And when you heart fills with sand, all those grains that you've picked up along the way, your heart will cease to beat. Filled with so much sand, it won't be able to pump blood through your body, you won't feel the warmth of all the new love that is awaiting you.

So brush it off. Let it go. Rinse yourself in the waters of your ocean and clean yourself again. Continue walking down that beach of life. Sure, some will stick to your toes and the soles of your feet, and that's OK, the recent past is always with us, even when we try to stay ahead of it.

And know that if you ever need to call upon one of those moments, if you ever need to revisit some part of your past that you really can't seem to let go of, that grain of sand will be waiting for you. It'll be on your beach, just where you left it, making up the shore of your lifetime, and you can always go back and pick it up again.

Just don't take it everywhere you go from here. 

You have a lot of walking left to do, and the beach is long and beautiful. 

And the sun is shining. 

Desiderata

A dear friend of mine recently shared this poem with me. It was written in 1927 by the poet and philosopher Max Ehrmann, although he did not receive credit nor acclaim for it until much later. My friend gave me the poem and said she uses it in times when she needs to be reminded of certain ideals and ways to live life.

Max Ehrmann wrote it for himself "because it counsels those virtues I felt myself most in need of."

Funny how almost 100 years later this poem is still aptly fitting to life.

I can't stop reading it myself, so I thought I would share it with you.

Desiderata

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible and without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter or vain, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

        - Max Ehrmann

What You'll Miss While You're Waiting For The One

I don't believe there is one soulmate out there waiting for you.

It's not because I'm jaded, or don't believe in romance.

In fact, quiet the opposite is true. I fall in love often and freely. Almost to a fault. Just ask my college roommates or my partner of 8 years. I used to go the library and fall madly in love with a man reading a book about social change in Latin America. I still fall in love with a man reading a book by an author I love, or signing a song that makes my heart melt. I'm actually a hopeless romantic and I believe love is the one true, unconditional resource. No matter what's happened to you, no matter how many times your heart has been broken, you can still love again and again. And while those who've been hurt badly may disagree, give it time, you'll see you still have more love to give.

But I don't believe that there is one person, above all others that will change your life, save you from yourself. I don't believe there is one person who holds all the answers to all your problems. I don't think there is just one. I think there are many.

I believe that there are countless soulmates out there, just waiting to be discovered, just waiting to share a conversation, a bus ride, a meaningful glance, a bottle of wine, or a night out dancing.

I believe that we come into this world with so much love and so many chances for great connections, and that we limit ourselves by believing that there is only person that we're meant to find. One person that when we find them, we'll feel complete, we'll feel whole, we'll be done with our quest to better ourselves. It's just not true. Life isn't a fairy tale. It isn't a Disney movie. It's not so simple. And we sell ourselves short every day that we buy into that script that someone else wrote.

Happily ever and till death do us part may sound like a grand idea, and it is. It's a nice package, where two partners meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. But it doesn't take into account all the ups and downs that real life and love encompasses. It doesn't always leave room for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the worst you can ever imagine.

And while you're holding out for that imaginary savior, that end all be all to all of life's problems, you'll miss out on so many soulmates along the way.

What if we treated everyone who made us feel special like a soulmate? What if each friend were a godsend that was here just to help us through a difficult time? How much more special could we make the world if we thought of everyone who helped us, held our hand, did us a nice deed, as "the one"? What if we cared for all those nice souls as if they were our soulmate for that time, that moment?

We're not all going to be together forever. It's just not possible. Even those that we share remarkable, burning, strong powerful connections with will eventually leave us. And in the end, we'll be alone. We're born alone, we die alone, and in between there is everything, and everyone else.

If we stopped putting pressure on each other to be the one, we might actually see that everyone can be the one, everyone can be your special someone. We all have so much to offer each other, whether it is help, compassion, a laugh, a hug, a smile, or a warm welcome.

In a world with billions upon billions of people, think about how unique and special it is to bump into someone you get along with, someone who makes you laugh, who makes your heart feel lighter. Anytime a friend lends you a book, makes you a mixed tape, cooks you dinner, sits with you in silence, holds your hand, or kisses you on the check you are experiencing a connection with one soul, one out of over 7 billion, and that is probably the most romantic thing I can think of.

And I'm not saying that each soulmate is or needs to be a sexual partner, I'm not advocating copious amounts of promiscuous sex.(Although if that's how you and your soulmates connect, then go for it!) I think that some of the most intimate moments we share with each other can be platonic and often times vary far from sex. Some soulmates may become lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses. Some may last for years and years, others for just a night, but it doesn't mean that anyone person is anymore important than the next. Each relationship, whether sex is involved or not, carries its own weight, each connection comes with its own magic.

So, to all my soulmates out there, those I've already met, already loved, already connected with and maybe already said goodbye to, and to those yet to come, to the hundreds of soulmates just waiting to be discovered, thank you for being part of my life, thank you for loving me, for letting me love you, and for sharing part of your life with me.

I can't wait to see who else is out there.