Monday, July 30, 2012

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Lotus Flower

I realize I've been ranting and raving a little bit and stuck in a bit of a depressed place for the past few days. This is something I struggle with as I am always wanting to be somewhere else, traveling, experiencing something new, but financially, I am tied to my current situation. I know patience is a virtue and I am working on reminding myself that everything happens when it is meant to, not when we want it to. I think I've been a little testier than usual since I'm suffering from a bit of jealousy towards two of my friend's upcoming plans and adventures.

My friend Joanna is going to Spain for six weeks to visit her dad. She goes to Spain about once a year and it's not a huge deal because she travels a lot, so I'm pretty used to saying goodbye and seeing her in a few months. She has already been in Colombia, Ecuador, and Ghana this year. She gets around. She was in the Peace Core in Ecuador and just finished her masters in Public Health at UC Berkeley so she travels for the non-profit that she works for and visits her connections from her time spent living abroad. She leaves on Thursday, and I'm going to be sad.

My other friend Kat is leaving to go to Rwanda for probably a minimum of one month, but since her return ticket is open ended, there's no telling how long she will end up being gone. She went to Rwanda last November with her mom, on a work trip. She became friends with the tour guide that showed that group of mental health workers around and since she has kept in touch with him, she is going back to spend more time in Rwanda and potentially travel around other parts of East Africa. (I need to tell her that I just heard about an Ebola outbreak in Uganda. Someone remind me.) I am so happy for her to get to go see that part of the world. What an amazing experience that will be! So many stories. Just the chance to see hippos gets me all worked up, and I'm not even going! She also leaves on Thursday.

Now, I have these awesome friends that love to travel as much as I do. And go to non-conventional places, which I like. I have one friend, Timmy, living in Indonesia, and I get a kick out of telling people that. So many people are afraid of so many parts of the world, or just think they are ass-backwards communities of people. I remember telling folks I was moving to Costa Rica a few years ago (that story will come at a later date) and I was warned that they don't have toilet paper down there. When I tried to assure them that, yes, they do have toilet paper, I was told once more, very seriously, that no, they don't and I should look into the place a bit more before moving there.

So, back to the point. I have this necklace. It's a lotus flower that my mom bought for me. A very simple, silver outline of a flower. It is the symbol for a church that my mom, sister, and aunt all attend, The Self Realization Fellowship. SRF assigns a similar symbolism to the lotus flower as is common in Buddhism, Hinduism, and ancient Eygpt. The lotus flower is a beautiful flower that emerges from dark, dank, murky waters and ponds. Because of this, wearing the lotus flower helps remind you that from our darkest moments, bloom our most beautiful beginnings.

I had been wearing the lotus flower for a while and then decided to take it off. I get a little obsessed wearing jewelery for long periods of time. It was around this time that my friend Whitney was going through a rather tough spot in her life, so I decided she should wear the lotus flower until she bloomed into her next phase. She ended up wearing the flower on a trip to Mexico, where she became friends  with a woman named Jaime. Jaime wore the flower back to Chicago where she lives. After Mexico, Whitney decided to go visit Jaime in Chicago. That was back in April, she hasn't come back and she is happy. I'm happy for her. Whitney ended up going to Colombia with Joanna, and wearing the flower there as well. She then decided that Joanna should wear the flower on her trip to Ecuador. Joanna did and has been wearing it since then. Joanna will be giving it to Kat, to wear to Rwanda on Thursday. That same necklace is coming back to me with Kat so that I can wear it on my next adventure, which will be in December.

This same lotus flower also lives in the form of a tattoo, behind my friend Lindsey's ear. I'm not quite sure how this whole thing got started but it's beautiful. I want to get all emotional and philisophical about how our pain and suffering, and therefore, our liberation and happiness are all tied together, but let's face it, that's a little out of my writing style. It is fucking cool though that this lotus flower is making the rounds. Pretty soon it will be more well-traveled than I am.

I guess I just think that something like this is important. And I'm not sure why, why we need symbols to remind us of things that we already know. Why we need to have habits and rituals, things that become traditions. These things, these acts, these symbols, they stand for so much and they help us stay on track. For me, right now, this lotus flower is very important. The amount of love that has been put into it. The places it's been and the people that is has interacted with. There is something magical about it.

To my friends who are or soon will be scattered about once again, Whitney in Chicago, Timmy in Indonesia, Kat in Rwanda, Joanna in Spain, be safe and be loved. And remember, when something doesn't seem to be going the way you had imagined it, or even going well at all, those mishaps and mistakes, those moments of darkness and desperation, those are the places where your roots are finding nutrients. From those places, you will bloom. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

So, what do you do?

It's a funny thing, how tied up your identity can become with your job, your profession, the thing you do to get a pay check. Such a solid question, usually one of the first things you ask someone when first meeting them. You start by exchanging names, then ask, "Where you from?" followed usually by "What do you do?". Now, this question has always annoyed me. What do I do? I do a lot of things. What do I do to make money? Depends on the month. Once you've done something for long enough, that thing you do starts to be part of who you are. Your job is what takes up most of your time, most of your peers and friends come out of your work situation so even when you're not at work, you still end up talking about it or spending time with people associated with it. But then one day, you might quit your job, or get fired. Quitting, for a lot of people, signifies a life crisis of sorts. You wake up one day and you can't take it anymore, you've got to get out! Now, I've had a lot of jobs, last count was over 30, therefore, I have quit a lot of jobs. And for me it's not usually a crisis, I just get bored. I get bored so easily with mundane life. Its just that because I've had so many jobs, I know exactly what I don't want to do, and I have an idea of what I do want to do, but the path to get there is not clearly defined.

I've worked with kids, at day cares, as a swim coach, at the middle school most recently. I was a life guard, a fundraiser (for both UC Santa Barbara and Peace Action West). I've done literally everything in a restaurant, from dishwasher, to server, to bartender, to manager. I've made lattes all day, poured beer all night, cleaned kennels at the SPCA, painted houses, sold theater tickets, counted car parts for inventory. I mean, I've had a lot damn jobs. And I know, I'm a little stuck on the employment issue here, but it's just that I don't really enjoy working. And this is a problem, because life costs so much money. And it's not like my life is bad, or that I'm sitting around starving to death because I'm so broke. I've still been eating amazing meals and having fun with friends and doing things I want to do but I'm not saving anything. And saving is exactly what I need to be doing if I'm ever going to accomplish my goal of owning a hostel in Central America. But right now, I am barely scrapping by, but I manage to make it look good, I think anyways.

I guess I just can't get over thinking that there's so much more to people than just their form of employment. But so often we assign to others, and ourselves, such a limited scope of personality based on whatever task we chose to pay the bills. And it's frustrating. I would love to see what we all would become and in what ways we would excel if we could spend the majority of our time doing what we love, rather than what we need to do to make ends meet.

That being said, I'm off to revamp my resume and stop by a restaurant to beg for employment. Let's see if soon I'll have a new answer to the question "What do you do?"

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Ghost of Summer Vacation

Well, it's summer break and I should be ecstatic. At least, that's the way I always remembered summer break as a kid. Back then I was on my local swim team, which meant I got up even earlier than when school was in session, but I didn't mind that at all. I had a great group of friends, that I predominantly only saw during the summer as they attended different middle and high schools than I did. But man, those were the days. This past year, I worked at a middle school so on June 15th when the kids were celebrating their freedom, I was doing the same. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying not working at the middle school. I feel like can hear all you people who are at work reading this right now groaning and telling me to appreciate my down time. Relish in it, make the most of it. I know, I know, I should be grateful to have a summer break as a 27 year old. But when you think about it, it's depressing as all hell.

What this really means is I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I'm not going back to the middle school in the fall. Public education is just not for me. There are a lot of really great people who are involved in educating the minds of tomorrow and that's great. But I couldn't swing the Monday through Friday early wake up, no hats, no gum, rules. It's not that I mind rules all that much, but having to follow the same ones as the kids is a bit annoying. And something about the whole system just rubs me the wrong way. Why is it that once your child turns 5, they start spending more time at school, with other random adults, than they do with their own parents. That's odd to me. Some of the kids I worked with saw their mom or dad for about an hour each night before going to sleep due to work schedules. Some of my kids had to get up at 4am to see their parents before leaving for the day and being asleep by the time the kid got out of after school program at 6pm. To me, it just doesn't make sense. I mean, was school really just made accessible to all so that parents could work more? That's what it feels like, one giant day care for the children of the dregs of society so that they can contribute more hours to working and less to child rearing. And then, the government pays those who watch the children next to nothing, like glorified babysitters, even though they have to go through so much schooling to do a job that has very little glory and no glamor. No, I'm not going back in the fall.

So, I've been looking for bartending or serving positions. Something to supplement my part time job at the Altarena Playhouse in Alameda. But it's hard to find a position as a bartender or server these days. So many people looking, so few jobs. Which I guess is still the case everywhere and in every profession. I heard on the radio the other day that the Great Recession officially ended three years ago. If that's the case, why is it so hard to get a god damn job?! Or rather, why is it so hard to get a second job? Or just one job that pays well enough that I don't need two jobs? And what should that job be.

I've been obsessed with working for Lonely Planet for about ten years now. Lonely Planet is my bible. Since traveling is my favorite thing on the face of the planet (with my puppy dogs coming in a close second), working for Lonely Planet would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. And since I've been living in the Bay Area I have applied several times to their general base that they pull from when they have openings. There are three locations in the world where Lonely Planet has publishing offices, London, Melbourne, and Oakland. I should be a shoe-in. But I'm not. They are no longer accepting general applications, nor are they accepting freelance writers, nor book ideas, nor interns. They have too many applicants. Of course they do. There are too many damn people on the planet!

I had not planned on getting up this morning and ranting about life in general. I had not planned on anything for this morning. Each one of these aimless summer days is filled with the few same tasks: walk the dogs, clean up the house a bit, go check on the cat that I'm pet-sitting, and get in some form of exercise, a run, or the gym. Other than that, I don't plan on or seem to accomplish much. And I know, I can hear you grumblers again saying start a project, get a hobby, go enjoy the sunshine. But you know what, I don't want to hear it. Today, I'm grumpy and that is how I'll spend this glorious summer day, thinking about how there are too many people on the planet, and how summer break just isn't what it was.

Maybe I should get a slip-n-slide.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Current Me, Meet Future Me

A few months ago, one of my best friends shared a quote with me. She couldn't remember where she had heard it, who said it, or exactly how it went but the gist of it was "Imagine the person you hope to be in five years, now start acting like her." It's a good quote. Simple, to the point, motivational and inspiring. It didn't seem to have too much of an impact on me at that time other than the fact that I liked it. As I said though, it was a few months ago that Kat relayed this quote to me and apparently it did have some impact because last night, as I lay in bed, I couldn't help but have this quote play on repeat for what seemed like hours. It got me thinking about who I really hope I will be in five years. Well, not who I will be, because no matter where you go or what you do, you're still the same old you. But it did get me thinking about what I hope to be doing in five years, where I hope to be doing it, and how to make that happen.

Maybe it's because I'm going through a quarter life crisis due partly to the fact that after almost two years working as an Instructional Aide in the Resource Department at a middle school in Oakland, the most "real" or "grown up" job that I have ever held, and deciding not to return in the fall, I am faced with the question, "So, now what?". Maybe it's because I'm 27, I have no career or desire to have a career, I have no children and that biological clock isn't screaming at me to get going on that project. Maybe these reasons combined made me realize that I should do some serious thinking about the image of my future self and start projecting that image on my current self. I'm just not sure how well they are going to get along.

Five years from now I will be 32 years old. Like I said, I don't see Future Me running a start up company in Northern California or buying a house with an extra room for the nursery, although who knows what lies in that crystal ball. But here are some simpler things that Future Me will be doing, or rather, that Current Me has to start on so Future Me isn't dissapointed in how we spend these next five years.
  •  Be In Shape
           Of late, I have been romanticizing my younger body image. The funny thing is, I was never in that great of shape and despite being in better shape during my swim team years, I probably have a higher self image of my body now than I did back then. Nonetheless, will all this time off thinking about what job to get next and a gym membership that I am paying for but not using, I have decided to start running. I went yesterday, and I am dressed, as I type, to go again today, so Future Me, look out! Because two days in a row is practically a habit!
  •  Eliminate Corn Syrup from my Diet 
           I was on quite a roll of eating healthy, and avoiding corn syrup was a major part of that, just a few weeks ago. I had been suffering from some unknown skin condition for almost a year. Not trusting doctors (remember I am a hippy), I took the issue up with my acupuncturist, hoping he could stick a needle or two in my face and solve the problem. To my dismay, he told me that I had to change my diet, eliminate red wine, coffee, and spicy food. After doing so with only minimal results, I decided to do more research and learned that preservatives and corn syrup can also cause, quite commonly, skin issues and outbreaks. So, I allowed myself hot sauce on rare occasion, coffee became chai, wine morphed into beer and all things processed and especially containing corn syrup were forgotten. This worked for a while. Being on summer break and all though, I decided to let myself celebrate and indulge a bit, and we all know how falling off a wagon can be. It's a lot harder to jump back on that damn wagon when your running behind it and it's picking up speed having just lost some weight from its load! So Current Me has to bite the bullet on this and go back to being a bit more selective as to what I consume.
  •  Live Abroad
        Many of you know about my obsession with living abroad, mainly in Central America, specifically Costa Rica, although after some new research, there are other options on the table. This is a hard one to just start doing on a random Tuesday while surviving a life crisis as it does take a more physical, rather than metaphorical manifestation of change. Although this one I am working towards on a pretty consistent basis. Money was being saved, when it was being made, and plans have been drawn up. But, no job means no extra money to save so therein lies the rub!

I need a job. I would also just settle for money.

It's hard to think of what job to pursue now. Bartending, serving, dog walking, all of these have potential and could make me some money which makes both Current Me and Future Me happy. But it is hard to pass out resumes when I feel as though I'm finally starting to enjoy this down time that summer break has afforded me. My sewing machine is set up and projects are being brainstormed. The video camera, with blank tapes was unearthed last night and skits are already being discussed. And there is that run I'm about to go on. So how does one balance wanting the free time to creatively explore my potential for greatness with the need to plan for five years from now? I suppose this brings me to my last bullet point:
  • Be Enlightened
          Future Me will not worry about trivial things like jobs because Future Me will have transcended the need the worry. Future Me will understand that all things happen for a reason and while we don't always see instant cohesion from events, there is a grand scheme being carried out. Future Me will be like some crazy fit, runner, ex-pat artist Buddha that just smiles because she finally knows the meaning of life and knows how little she knows all at the same time. Or whatever.

So, to revisit the quote that started this whole rant, "Imagine the person you hope to be in five years, now start acting like her." The whole enlightenment thing, I can do that. Going for that damned run is the hard part.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

She's A Grand Ol' Flag....

There were two things I had hoped to avoid in my writings so early on in my blogging career, politics and  cynicism. After attempting to attend the 4th of July Parade in Alameda this morning, I realize there is no way to avoid either of these things. Let me be clear, my goal is not to offend anyone who enjoys parades, the 4th of July, or Alameda. I in fact enjoy all these things myself, but this morning, my misadventures in partaking in all three of these things at once proved somewhat comical to me and showed me that Alameda's 4th of July Parade is just too wholesome for me.

I woke up at 9:30am this morning, hurting a bit from the previous night's all too patriotic event of drinking beer and bowling, and decided that despite my hangover and the fact that I was already late, as the parade started at 10am and the goal was to be positioned in full parade watching mode by 9:30am, that I would grab one of my dogs, two chairs, and an iced coffee and go join in the festivities. My friend Star had suggested that I attend the parade despite my misgivings because she said it would be good for me to do something wholesome for once, as my usual activities are anything but, and that it would be good material for me to write about. As I got off the freeway and attempted to drive my normal route through Alameda to park close to Star's house, I became aware of just how grandiose this event was.

I had recently learned that Alameda's parade on this patriotic day is the second longest parade in the country. I suppose this shouldn't be that surprising considering Alameda's past as a Navy Naval Air Station until 1997. But still, with Washington D.C., West Point in New York,  Camp Pendleton in San Diego, how does Alameda outdo such iconic staples of our national pride? But, back to finding a parking spot.....

I managed to get my bearings and re-route to find a place to park. Seeing so many people in the streets, with barricades and police everywhere, hearing helicopters in the sky, I couldn't help but think, that's odd, I didn't know Alameda had an Occupy movement. I was just about to warn my sequined, fellow protesters that they might get tear gassed when I remembered this was a different, but equally as odd, form of political expression, and that these patriots taking to the streets would most likely not be given orders to disperse or face arrest.

I leashed up my 55 pound, 6 year old rescue pit bull, already seeming incredibly out of place on the island, and we began our pilgrimage to find our friends in front of  Big O Tires. After walking for about fifteen minutes we came upon the spectacle and while other dogs and kids and people of all ages stood there applauding floats going by, I scanned the backs of heads trying to spot my comrades. I glanced up at the passing floats and became aware that the crowd was applauding men, dressed in camouflage fatigues, riding floats and holding a whole variety of automatic weapons I'm not familiar with and don't care to be. Having just spent the past year and half working at a middle school in Oakland where we had to have two different lock downs due to students bringing guns to school, I decided I didn't want to be part of an event that had children cheering for gun toting patriots.

Again, my goal is not to offend or piss anyone off. I get it, you support the troops, you love freedom, that's all great. I don't want any of our troops to die abroad either, nor do I want them to kill people in foreign lands. That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm one of those peace loving hippies. And that's when I decided, after an hour of driving to and scouring the island, looking for parking, and walking to join the throngs of parade goers, that this day of celebrating men and women, holding large guns and other toys of destruction, was, in fact, too wholesome for me.

Of course, I still plan on watching as fake bombs explode in the air tonight, over the picturesque bay, and we all "Oooo" and "Ahhhh" as we simulate warfare to celebrate this great country and of course, that grand ol' flag.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Welcome to the Present

In an attempt to finally join the modern world, based so heavily on technology, I have started a blog. This, you obviously know if you are reading these words, as you have already found my blog. For those of you that know me, this may be surprising, and trust me, I myself, am shocked. But, for the past few years I have been under the belief that one day, I will be famous for simply being me. Also, I have a fantasy of becoming a travel writer, as traveling is my ultimate addiction. In order for either of these prophecies to come true I realized I must do at least two things, get my name out there, and most importantly write.

I realized that there is no way to be famous just for being yourself. For this misguided dream, I blame Paris Hilton. When she first hit the scene, I was under the impression that her fame was for nothing other than being Paris Hilton, and while that is part is true, her name and noteriaty came only from her born identity, she still have a reason to be famous. Being part of that family is what she did. Not that she, herself, actually did anything. But still, it's more than I have going for me right now. My family does not own a hotel chain, and our monetary wealth does not rival that of a small country. So no, I can't go the Paris Hilton route.

That means I must find another way to become famous and seeing as I'm not the modeling type, nor the acting or singing type, and I don't plan on doing anything like tight rope walking between two famous buildings or being the first woman to play in the NFL, I suppose becoming a well known writer will have to suffice.

As for the dellusion of travel writing, I need a lot of work. It's not that I don't have the travel experience, quite the contrary, I've been to 18 countries, over 10 states, and I'll spare you the number of cities. So you see, I have traveled. And every time I take a trip and I pack a journal. I often go buy one specifically for that trip, sometimes with overly cliche illustrations on the front that show passport stamps and images of the Eifel tower.  But no matter where I go, for how long, with whom I travel, or the motivation for the trip in the first place, I don't seem to write a damn word in that journal! So herein lies the rub, in order to be a travel writer, you must first travel, and secondly, WRITE!

So here you have it ladies and gentleman, my first blog. Now if only we didn't have to call it a blog......There has got to be a better name.