Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Too Good to be True

Sunset at Playa Algodones
I'm sitting outside on the patio of Departamentos Adlai, a cute little hotel in the northern Mexican state of Sonora, in the small town of San Carlos, along the Sea of Cortez. It is overcast at 10am, and I wonder if the clouds will burn off today. When I arrived yesterday, it was sunny, and we spent the afternoon at the beach, running up sand dunes and just barely getting our feet wet. The water is warm, warmer than it is in California that is, but still not that tropical, so-warm-it's-warmer-than-the-air, warm water that you might expect in Mexico.

Today is day five of this epic trip that I am on, along with my boyfriend Jahsiah, one of my best friends, Timmy, and my two dogs, LaDainian and Isabelle. I'm not quite sure how I convinced everyone to join me on the drive to Costa Rica, especially since this isn't my first attempt at this, and let's just say the first attempt did not end in Costa Rica, nor did it end well. So, really it's remarkable that anyone wanted to come along for round two of Liz's crazy scheme to drive across all of Mexico, which is really quite large, and then through Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and finally Costa Rica. When you think about it, it's absolute madness. But while we are doing it, one day at a time, it feels pretty manageable. It's even been very enjoyable, which makes me feel a little unsure, like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, for that catastrophe that makes me think I was wrong all along to do this. I guess it's some part of my psyche that doesn't allow me to believe that things will work out for me. It has me asking "Do I deserve something so good?", "Have I earned this?". These two notions, deserve and earn, need to be erased from my thought process.
The notion that anyone deserves anything means there is someone, a higher power, God or whoever you want to refer to, and that that someone is keeping tabs on us and assigning reactions to our actions. I know this is not true. If it were, bad things would never happen to good people, and they do, with random accuracy. Thinking that someone has earned something as well is silly, since God, or whoever, didn't create money or the system of credit, man did, and I'll be damned if I'll let a man tell me what I have or haven't earned. Not because I don't trust others to judge my actions or reward me accordingly, but if I always based my life on what I have earned in someone else eyes, I might never see myself as worth anything more that what worth is assigned to me. Yet still, I feel a little uneasy about how good things are going. Like it's too good to be true. And maybe that's what I need to work on, thinking of things as good or bad, judging things instead of just letting them be.

Cactus, beachside desert

Driving through the desert has raised this notion of things not being good or bad, but just being. A cactus, for example, is a pokey, spiky, mean looking guy, who you don't want to run into. A cactus is bad to touch, but a cactus, can save your life if you are in the desert. It can provide food and water, if you know your cacti. So, a cactus is good. If something is good and bad, it is neither. And all things, really, are good and bad, which means all things are neither good nor bad. They cancel each other out. Now, this doesn't mean one can't strive to always be the most noble version of one's self. But just because I do my dishes, share what I have when I have it, keep my word as best as possible, this doesn't mean that I don't also do bad things from time to time, especially depending on who is judging my actions. Therein lies the rub, good and bad is simply in the eye of the beholder.

So when that other shoe does drop, it will be my charge, to not view what happens as bad in comparison to the good of this moment, but to view what happens as simply that, something that happened. I can decide if something is good, bad, or neutral, and I can decide how to react. But for now, I'm going to walk my dogs to get coffee in this sleepy little beach town, and simply enjoy the walk.

If you find yourself in San Carlos, Sonora, Mexico make sure to stay at Departamentos Adlai. As you come into town on the main Blvd, hang a right on Calle H, (no sign) just before the Ley, the supermercado on the corner. Drive down a little bit and look for the green painted buildings, the open patio facing the street with jacuzzy and all (although it is not hot) and get yourself a room. You'll be happy with your choice.

No comments:

Post a Comment