Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2015; Goodbye, Good Riddance, and Thank You

Dear 2015, 

You sucked and I'm glad you're over.

This was by far, one of the hardest years of my life. I know it was also one of the hardest and worst years for many of my friends, near and far, and I'm not sure what cosmic event took place that resulted in so many of my loved ones suffering, but I really hope that as it strikes midnight around the world tonight that the stars realign and we move on from this terrible year.

For all the trouble, the heartache, the fights, the miscommunication, the loss, the grief, the pain, and the tears, I find myself feeling grateful in an odd way. I'm not going so far as to say that I'm happy about certain events that took place and I hope I never have to see so many people so close to me go through so much strife ever again, but in the past few weeks I've found a new perspective for 2015; a new lens through which to view this past year's events and I find that it's working for me right now, it's helping me process some of what took place this past year. 

Life is cyclical and there is always a balance, although sometimes it's hard to see it. Something must die so that something new is born, energy must change shape and evolve into something else, nothing is constant, nothing is certain. All the hardships that my friends, my family, and myself went through this year, in the end, it's helped us become closer. It would be nice to think that we could just go along, having fun, enjoying each others company, cooking dinners together, having some drinks, going dancing and call it a day. But in order to truly bond, to actually discover how much compassion you have for each other, sometimes you've got to hit rock bottom. And from down there, in the shit, at your lowest low, you look around and you see who is still next to you and who's been there before. And that's what this year has taught me, that's what I'll take away from 2015. For that, I am grateful. 

Manure is the best fertilizer and there's a reason lotus flowers only grow in the darkest, murkiest waters. It's the bullshit that creates the beauty. It's the struggle that makes it worth it in the long wrong. It's a hug from your friend when you feel like you can't go on. It's understanding and support and love when you think the world is falling down around you. That's what this year has been, for me and for so many people that I know. 

We've lost parents, grandparents, children, brothers, sisters, lovers, and best friends (human and non-human), we've gone through breakups, we've been hospitalized, had surgeries, we've been robbed, hit, and abused, we've stressed money, we've quit jobs that we loved but no longer served us, we've walked away from relationships that were no longer healthy, even when love was still present, and we've cried so many tears that it seemed we'd shrivel and dry up (luckily there was always enough wine to re-hydrate us). We've been to hell and back, and we're still here. We fell down, we got back up. We fell again, and again, because let's face it, that's the kind of year it has been. But every time we got back up. And here we are, on the last day of the year, still standing and ready to see what the next year brings. We're stronger for it, we're closer for it, we know more love for it, and we can offer more compassion for it. 

There have been hardships in the past and other years that have been difficult and for you, maybe this wasn't one of the worst, but for those of you who thought this year would never end, for those of you who can't believe how many things can go wrong in one year, just remember there will be more obstacles, there will be other years that challenge you, test your strength, make it so you don't want to get out of bed in the mornings, and just like this year, those years will end as well. Those times will pass, and while the pain and grief of certain events will never completely go away, they will lessen with time. And the tears will fall less frequently, and the hurt won't hurt so much, and the time will just keep passing, and the years will keep coming, and you'll find yourself surrounded by more friends and loved ones, who stayed with you through the shit, who held you up when you were too weak, who cooked you dinner and made sure you ate something, hugged you when you couldn't breathe on your own. 

And if you stay open to it, for all the loss there will be love.

For all the pain, there will be joy. 

So thank you 2015 for showing me how loved I am, for reminding me how many people I love. Thank you for pushing me to new limits and forcing me to get stronger. Thank you for reminding me that it could always be worse. Thank you for putting things into perspective. 

And while I'm able to see things in a different light than a few months ago, and while I'm willing to find the silver lining in the past year and feel grateful for lessons learned, at the same time, I still say, 2015, fuck off.

2016, I'm ready for you. I hope we get along better than last year.

No comments:

Post a Comment