Tuesday, February 16, 2016

What You'll Miss While You're Waiting For The One

I don't believe there is one soulmate out there waiting for you.

It's not because I'm jaded, or don't believe in romance.

In fact, quiet the opposite is true. I fall in love often and freely. Almost to a fault. Just ask my college roommates or my partner of 8 years. I used to go the library and fall madly in love with a man reading a book about social change in Latin America. I still fall in love with a man reading a book by an author I love, or signing a song that makes my heart melt. I'm actually a hopeless romantic and I believe love is the one true, unconditional resource. No matter what's happened to you, no matter how many times your heart has been broken, you can still love again and again. And while those who've been hurt badly may disagree, give it time, you'll see you still have more love to give.

But I don't believe that there is one person, above all others that will change your life, save you from yourself. I don't believe there is one person who holds all the answers to all your problems. I don't think there is just one. I think there are many.

I believe that there are countless soulmates out there, just waiting to be discovered, just waiting to share a conversation, a bus ride, a meaningful glance, a bottle of wine, or a night out dancing.

I believe that we come into this world with so much love and so many chances for great connections, and that we limit ourselves by believing that there is only person that we're meant to find. One person that when we find them, we'll feel complete, we'll feel whole, we'll be done with our quest to better ourselves. It's just not true. Life isn't a fairy tale. It isn't a Disney movie. It's not so simple. And we sell ourselves short every day that we buy into that script that someone else wrote.

Happily ever and death do us part may sound like a grand idea, and it is. It's a nice package, where two partners meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. But it doesn't take into account all the ups and downs that real life and love encompasses. It doesn't always leave room for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the worst you can ever imagine.

And while you're holding out for that imaginary savior, that end all be all to all of life's problems, you'll miss out on so many soulmates along the way.

What if we treated everyone who made us feel special like a soulmate? What if each friend were a godsend that was here just to help us through a difficult time? How much more special could we make the world if we thought of everyone who helped us, held our hand, did us a nice deed, as "the one"? What if we cared for all those nice souls as if they were our soulmate for that time, that moment?

We're not all going to be together forever. It's just not possible. Even those that we share remarkable, burning, strong powerful connections with will eventually leave us. And in the end, we'll be alone. We're born alone, we die alone, and in between there is everything, and everyone else.

If we stopped putting pressure on each other to be the one, we might actually see that everyone can be the one, everyone can be your special someone. We all have so much to offer each other, whether it is help, compassion, a laugh, a hug, a smile, or a warm welcome.

In a world with billions upon billions of people, think about how unique and special it is to bump into someone you get along with, someone who makes you laugh, who makes your heart feel lighter. Anytime a friend lends you a book, makes you a mixed tape, cooks you dinner, sits with you in silence, holds your hand, or kisses you on the check you are experiencing a connection with one soul, one out of over 7 billion, and that is probably the most romantic thing I can think of.

And I'm not saying that each soulmate is or needs to be a sexual partner, I'm not advocating copious amounts of promiscuous sex.(Although if that's how you and your soulmates connect, then go for it!) I think that some of the most intimate moments we share with each other can be platonic and often times vary far from sex. Some soulmates may become lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses. Some may last for years and years, others for just a night, but it doesn't mean that anyone person is anymore important than the next. Each relationship, whether sex is involved or not, carries its own weight, each connection comes with its own magic.

So, to all my soulmates out there, those I've already met, already loved, already connected with and maybe already said goodbye to, and to those yet to come, to the hundreds of soulmates just waiting to be discovered, thank you for being part of my life, thank you for loving me, for letting me love you, and for sharing part of your life with me.

I can't wait to see who else is out there.

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