Thursday, June 9, 2016

Dear Alcohol: A Break Up Letter

Dear Alcohol,

It's hard to find the right words to say to you. I'm not even sure where to begin. We've been together for so long now and we know each other so well, and that's what makes this so difficult.

I know it sounds cliche' but I want you to know that this isn't about you, it's about me. I think you're great. I think you're amazing and believe me, I do love you. It's just right now, I feel like I need to take some time for myself and figure out what I really want and I can't seem to do that with you around.

We've had so many great times together over the years. When I look back on all the memories we've made together, it makes me that much more upset to say goodbye, but I have to do it. You see, I find myself putting you first all the time, and neglecting myself in the end. Even when it comes to other relationships and friendships I always end up putting you ahead of everyone else and while I usually don't regret it, I'm just not sure it's healthy.

I do know that  I love you and so maybe this won't be forever, just until I can get a handle on things. There have been countless late nights where we've spent the whole night laughing and talking, dancing and doing silly things, and I have loved all of those times we've spent together. We've been so free and uninhibited and you've opened me up to experiences I would never have tried otherwise, but sometimes you leave me in the middle of the night and I wake up in the morning alone, lonely, and sad.

I have to remember those bad nights as well as the great ones because let's face it, sometimes when we spend the night together, it ends up in disaster and we both say and do things that we regret in the morning. Now, don't get me wrong, we've had some great days too, and that's part of why I love you so much. You bring out the unpredictable side of me, the wild side that gets me to bail on my responsibilities and just have fun, and for that I will always be grateful, because I do have a tendency to take myself too seriously sometimes. You've helped me relax and just enjoy life as it comes. Thanks to your carefree attitude I've said yes to things that were out of my comfort zone and I've definitely pushed myself thanks to the confidence you've given me.

I hope that you and I can stay friends, and who knows, maybe after some time apart we might even be able to be together again. In some ways, I know we're perfect for each other. No matter what mood I'm in, you always know the right thing to say and do, you're just so dynamic like that. And my friends all love you, too, which is also going to make this difficult. I know you're going to be around and I'm OK with that. I wouldn't want to make anyone choose between the two of us and I don't plan on asking anyone to. Plus, I think some of them would choose you over me anyways. I hope that it won't be awkward when we run into each other at bars or parties or get-togethers. I really do think you're wonderful and I hope that we can stay in each other lives, but for now I hope that you love and respect me enough to give me this space and time to work on myself.

I know you're hurting and believe me, I'm hurting, too. I'm not doing this to be cruel or because I don't care about you, but I can't be with you until I take care of myself and am the best version of myself, and I don't think I can become that while I'm with you. You're so strong, I know you'll get over me and find someone new, I have no doubt about that. And I want you to be happy, so if you can't wait for me while I figure myself out, I understand and I won't hold it against you, but if at the end of this, you'll have me back, know that I will love you forever.

Love always,


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